godlessness

godlessness

upon baby like sleep,
screams liketh the souls of hell...
reds the infants twilights..
and so we are peace-less.

at the white feathers heap,
like distressed old church bells.
smashes a fairytale light
brings now consciousness.

of my love insane sleeps
torments like of the witches knell
rape the tranquil nights
tears me till bitterness

of the brothers by bleed….
An allegiance warth forged held
Forgive the blacken knights
sadden till godlessness

© apoet 9.28pm 12 August 2008

to keep walking ( cause )

(this is not the present)

..*mumbles to myself* must keep walking... must keep walking.. keeping walking. *as tears clogs and gathers* must keep walking. for there is no more hope. And we cannot and can longer depend on that for strength. ... there comes time when sheer determination moves even without the slightest of hope, light or any form or chance ...regardless of the existence of any form of encouragement be it mortal or immortal. For the fall is even worse than death itself. That's when, one can move and carry on without hope without light. The sheer darkness of being alone and dying alone and fighting alone with total desolation and hopelessness... and certain devastation. This is a time where we do not care anymore about results. We no longer care if what we do matters, BUT the most important is we are doing something. We are. No time to cry, no time to grieve, no time to show weakness...Just trying. We are not even sure if we will ever succeed , but we are prepare to die while at it. ..a form of numbness comes, and we keep moving. keeping moving, keep walking. senselessness comes and we move into a state of subconsciousness .. vaguely remember just what we need to do, and we are doing... not knowing too sure anymore why, not knowing too sure anymore our cause... but just that we must keep moving. for we cannot accept anymore the cause of reality. The cause of certainty and the linearity of time.


.. I wonder how many of us ...have been blessed not to experience this.

to keep trying

...truly many and most of life's things were not taught to us. While some of us got better of it some of us did not and scrambled, fall and came out the wrong side of it. But all of us went in without much of a clue and practice, that's for sure. And some of life's things are so trying. SO SO trying. And it's really almost impossible to not give up. But some of us don't...

I am not talking about those who didn't today, or how heroic that they are. Instead I am seeking an understanding of those who did. Those of us whom gave up. And we need to understand how hard it is not too. How trying and clueless we all are, at that point of time... this point of time. sigh. Indeed we are all poor souls, throw in the arena to fend for ourselves not knowing most if not all of the time what is the absolute truth... well if there is such a thing in the first place. I wonder what happened to our creators. Did they make us out of boredom and our tolls and falls for leisure in the make place toy of earth do they enjoy to see what happens to their little toys.. ??strange.

man, this is so trying. I have no clue on what to do. And what's best. We all ask questions on how, when and seek the wisdom of the gods on what we should do , some pray for luck , some pray for wisdom.. some for wealth and health.... and all of us are seeking, wanting to know. And all of us are just going around. And till we run out of time. Till it's time.

man, it is so trying, I sad at the very fact that I do not know what to do and the actual thing could be there is no one thing that can be done which is correct.
...

what should I do? .. in so many things.

rest

..eventually. But is it worth? all of this...

I lay myself down,and closed my eyes. And my heart. To shut away, to shut away things that lay so many of us even way before we are done.. we are already done.
Many years have passed, from the first time I cried to reality...cried to life and the way of it. Along the years during some of it I thought I got over it...some years I knew I didn't.
Some of you have called me a hater. Some deemed me as a depressant. Could be true. Yet all I will ask to all that is... am I not speaking truth that you too can see around you?
Some would say that I have interpreted it differently. Interpreted wrongly. Truly for the sake of both of us, I hope you are the one who is right.

For if I am wrong,...ha I am nobody. And it does not matter. And I shall pass on. But if unfortunately I am right....if I am right.... then , all this, all of us....will become pointless, totally meaningless and that would such a sad sad thing. Which I myself fear every single night I sleep and why I cried so young many years ago.