a sin lesser

"Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention."

John Doe
From the Movie "se7en"

A threat of death. That points it's finger at me. Guilty. For it's fatality I listen. I would guess if else I would not. If else I shall continue being "What sick ridiculous puppets we are / and what gross little stage we dance on / What fun we have dancing and fucking / Not a care in the world / Not knowing that we are nothing / We are not what was intended." (John Doe, from the movie "se7en"), like all of us. I realise, I know and I continued at it.. feeding the wrong, feeding the sin, growing, learning to enjoy it as I enjoy it. Nudging , urging it to the ultimatum of this sin, a closure, a completeness, not really wanting it...but wondering it...edging towards it. And I had a jump start right at all. And realise and saw of it.. and what it is for what it is. and it comes to my horror, to my realisation, to awake me? And I re-know that it is wrong. and I took a step away from it...and want to take steps from now away from it.....so that I can be ....

a sin lesser.

a white parade of beach road garden

... forlorn....and the waiting... the freedom, the free..and the time..., oh so much time.. and yet time is short...but yet time is slow..... And the walk that stopped. And the wait for nothing. Because time don't, that's why they do. And so, it is...do every single one need to? No. What happen to dreams? "what happened to my sweet toddlers?" where is god's love? oh where are the meadows of life that so frequently fragrantly light up people's sky? Where is our sky? where is our one time sky that life righteously entitled us like we are equal? they are classed, as they , we join the white parade..a line of wisdom ....accompanying the beach road garden...be those of wisdom, know. be those of wisdom come prepared, light us, learn us..and lest be trying to not be like us. For in wisdom, this is sad. Oh sad.... a one time chance, and it falls like this....as the parade renews....diseased and incomplete...and so a tale. unimportant. so strange...no ones believes in the white parade..yet so did the white parade.

'The 15 years was a great blessing'

http://www.asiaone.com/Health/News/Story/A1Story20090716-155191.html



WHEN doctors discovered the unborn child had an extremely rare condition, leaving him with only 'half a heart', they tried to get his parents to abort him.

His parents refused. Doctors then gave the baby three days to live.

But Andre Tang Jia Rong ended up being his parents' 15-year miracle until he died on Sunday.

The teenager was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Only the right side of his heart was formed.

Put simply, he had only half a heart to pump blood around his body.

When his parents learnt this during a scan in the 22nd week of pregnancy, doctors advised them to abort him.

According to Andre's parents, a doctor said at the time that his chances of surviving was very slim.

His mother, Mrs April Tang, 41, said: 'The doctor said I was still young... I could have another baby... We were so heartbroken.

'But I wanted to give Andre at least a chance at life, even if it cost us everything we had.

'I told him that I wanted him to have a name, an identity, an IC... And he did get one, last week.

'I wanted him to have friends, and secondary school friends, and he has tons of them.'

A close friend of the family, Mr Michael Chua, 52, said: 'As a fellow Catholic, I'm very edified by April's decision not to abort the baby although some others would have chosen to do it.

'The 15 years that Andre shared with them was a great blessing in return,' added the senior manager with The Business Times.

Andre's father is Mr Tang Ngai Kin, 55, who coaches the national women's 4x100m relay team.

In his youth, he won five silver medals in the SEA Games for decathlon, sprinting and relay events.

'Life is like a 100m race. Only when the race ends can we know who is the winner,' said the Singapore Press Holdings group account manager.

'I prayed very, very hard, and I was rewarded. He was our miracle child.

'Throughout his life, we've been through countless obstacles, ups and downs. And he has really fought the good fight.'

Andre was born on 7 Sep, 1994. He died on Sunday at about 10pm in the family's Pasir Ris home.

He had just finished watching his favourite TV show - Tom and Jerry cartoons - with his family and was tucked into bed.

Mr Tang said that he continued to watch TV with his wife, when Andre called out: 'Mummy!'

He said: 'We went to his room, and saw him sitting upright on his bed. He held his hands in front of his chest, and was shivering.'

Mr Tang called Andre's sisters, Andrea, 13, and Andreana, 10, and the whole family gathered around Andre as he died.

'I felt that his heart was slowing down, and that his hands were loosening. When he began foaming at the mouth, I knew it was the end,' he said.

Mrs Tang added: 'He left us peacefully, in my arms, just like the way I held him when he first came to us.'

Andre's family and friends describe him as 'charming', 'cheerful' and 'immaculate'.

He was the peacemaker in the family, who would solve problems instead of cause them.

As a result of his condition, the Secondary 3 ACS Barker student could not take part in most sports, and had to do many things slowly.

He typically spent 1 1/2 hours eating his meals, and could only walk for a few minutes before he felt tired.

Sometimes, he had fainting spells and had to go to the hospital.

He took up bowling as a co-curricular activity in Primary 6, but stopped after he found it too tiring to hold the bowling ball.

Instead, he focused on painting, mostly in acrylic. Last July, his work was featured in an annual art exhibition organised by the charity Very Special Arts Singapore.

Last year, he sold some of his paintings to buy a laptop computer.

His condition has been deteriorating gradually over the past two years.

Collapsed

Last September, he collapsed while in school. After that, Andre went to school for only two hours each day.

Said Mrs Tang: 'Every time he comes home, I see a very tired child. But he's smiling all the way.'

Two weeks ago, he asked his parents for a stool, so he could sit while bathing. A few days later, he asked if the maid could bathe him, his father said.

'It seemed like a bizarre thing to say at that time, but now we understand why he said it,' added Mr Tang.

Two weeks ago, Andre also asked for cream-coloured lipstick, so that people in public would not stare at his dark-coloured lips.

It seemed Andre himself was aware that his body was weakening. He asked his sister, Andrea, who is an active swimmer, to win a gold medal for him.

He left instructions to Andreana to take care of his cat, which he named 'Kiasu'. He also asked his family to leave his computer, laptop and desk as they are, because he 'will come back'.

Mr Tang said: 'Andre used to ask me: 'Why doesn't God take me back, so that in my next life, I can jump, swim, play, without catching my breath?'

'Andre would say: 'If I had a normal life, I would be better in sports than you.' He said that he would represent ACS in sports.'

It was Andre's pride in his school that motivated his family to decide to cremate him in his school uniform. His funeral will be held on Friday.

Andre's father plans to write a book about Andre's life.

Mr Tang said that before he died, Andre told his mother: 'Don't be sad. If I go, I'll be well-taken care of by God. Anyway, I'll be around. I'll be an angel looking around. I will help you all.'

'Don't worry about the funeral expenses. They will be answered. God will help us.'

This article was first published in The New Paper.

red.

.. the life of some is not as worthy as the life of some. So is the value of some is not as worthy as the value of some.

is this so in the eyes of god?

for it is so in our eyes. The eyes of human mortals.
And we are so convinced that we are the more worthy ones.
of course some of us are wrong. And forever wrong. ..which one(s) of us?

unconsiousness

... This wrong. It has to be. It has to be incorrect. How can consciousness be put to and end? How can consciousness cease to be. For each consciousnesses would have every instinct to live and survive and continue it's existence. How can consciousnesses be made to cease , end and vanish. ..forever? And some even told of it's time. This is so cruel.

the ever un-green

. I told the rest of you, that we are planned. There is no life in our concept. It is at the beginning that we are already set up failure, for an end, for death. It is at the VERY start we have already started to fail. That is the nature of our kind. And be it more sad, because we are much more intellectual less mortal than any of them. And yet we do not fully seek to admit. We are set up to die. We are all dying. Right from the time of birth, growth.. ...and deterioration thru time. We seems not suitable for this environment and place. We ..indeed cliche... we are born to die. But know that , it is longer for the body to self deteriorate, than we yourselves to catalysis it further.

our plans reflect our wisdom not. Our failure to know what it is abt the nature of our kind. We are here to take, use and disintegrate. Our failure rate is higher in terms of place and situations. Thus our plans must reflect that. Our plans shd not be long term. I see many of us create plans and await silly lengths of time for a "better" time to execute them, it is un-wise.

They plan as if they are gods and immortal.


Strange, do they think life is that long?

There is no next time, or some years later..in the future.... there is no such time

There is only time now.

Time now.


NOW.