"In My Language"

"The previous part of this video was in my native language.  Many people have assumed that when I talk about this being my language that means that each part of the video must have a particular message within it designed for the human mind to interpret. But my language is not about designing words or even visual symbols for people to interpret. It is about being in a constant conversation with every aspect of my environment. Reacting physically to all parts of my surroundings In this part of the video the water doesn't symbolize anything I am just interacting with the water as the water interacts with me.  Far from being purposeless, the way that I move is an ongoing response to what is around me. Ironically, the way that I move when responding to everything around me is described as "being in a world of my own" whereas if I interact with a much more limited set of responses and only react to a much more limited part of my surroundings people claim that I am "opening up to true interaction with the world" They judge my existence, awareness, and personhood on which of a tiny and limited part of the world I appear to be reacting to. The way I naturally think and respond to things looks and feels so different from standard concepts or even visualization that some people do not consider it thought at all but it is a way of thinking in its own right. However the thinking of people like  me is only taken seriously if we learn your language no matter how we previously thought or interacted. As you heard I can sing along with what is around me. It is only when I type something in your language that you refer to me as having communication.  I smell things,  I listen to things,  I feel things,  I taste things, I look at things. It is not enough to look and listen and taste and smell and feel, I have to do those to the right things such as look at books and fail to do them to the wrong things or else people doubt that I am a thinking being and since their definition of thought defines their definition of personhood so ridiculously much they doubt that I am a real person as well.  I would like to honestly know how many people if you met me on the street would believe I wrote this I find it very interesting by the way that failure to learn your language is seen as a deficit but failure to learn my language is seen as so natural that people like me are officially described as mysterious and puzzling rather than anyone admitting that it is themselves who are confused not autistic people or other cognitively disabled people who are inherently confusing.  We are even viewed as non-communicative If we don't speak the standard language but other people are not considered as non-communicative if they are so oblivious to our own languages as to believe they don't exist.  In the end I want you to know that this has not been intended as a voyeuristic freak show where you get to look at the bizarre workings of the autistic mind It is meant as a strong statement on the existence and value of many different kinds of thinking and interaction in a world where how close you can appear to a specific one of them determines whether you are seen as a real person or an adult or an intelligent person.  And in a world in which those determine whether you have any rights there are people being tortured, people dying because they are considered non persons because their kind of thought is so unusual as to not be considered thought at all.  Only when the many shapes of personhood are recognized will justice and human rights be possible."


Amanda Baggs